Truly Understanding Others
“An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things.”
Bryant H. McGill
Life continues to flow, advance, and present daily learning opportunities. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed writing these periodic blog posts and have learned just as much about myself as you all hopefully have continued to do as you read each time. Today’s blog post is focused on the element of understanding others. There have been many times in life where I felt like I knew and understood someone until I didn’t. That may come as a surprise or shock to you as users and maybe may not make sense at the moment, but it will as you read below. The moments in time where I assumed that I knew all there was to know about someone were uncovered when I would have an in depth discussion, disagreement, or misunderstanding. None of these situations were as bad as they sound, but all of them came down to me not taking the extra time we have in each conversation to understand someone else’s intentions, background support, or maybe those little comments they say that we take as a comment in passing and they had reasons to include that in our conversation. Essentially, I’ve found that I continue to challenge myself to actively listen for the why in their side of the conversation and hear more of the underlying purpose of the words they’re communicating. I told you there would be some deep thinking and understanding in this blog post, so let’s all prepare to embrace a moment in time every time we see/hear others.
1. Assume positive intent – This concept is something we hear so many times in life and we all “feel” like we understand it and then find out later that we were challenged with limiting our own life bias. When we see others make decisions or are the benefactor of a decision, our subconscious kicks in and tells us that we should be concerned with the true intent of someone else. Oftentimes, the other individual or individuals have put a lot of time and effort to rationalize their strategies and future purpose. I’m someone who can be laid back in certain times and then can get triggered to an annoyance level by the little things in life. Our minds become so automatic that when we hear a certain trigger word (for me it’s when someone says the word or phrase, “It’s not a big deal”), we think back to the times when others have let us down, even if the person we’re interacting with hasn’t ever done that to us. In times like these, I’ve recognized that my patience of letting someone finish their entire story is limited and when I hear certain words, I jump to a negative intent for myself or others. When I’m able to stay patient, hear the entire message, and then take a few seconds to determine how I’ll respond (remember to always breathe!), the outcome is so much more positive. I truly believe that all of us want to help others in life and when you practice assuming a positive intent, you’ll grow/enhance your current and future relationships!
2. Trust their abilities – We all benefit and prosper in life due to our unique skills and abilities. Everyone has positive abilities and the beauty in life is finding out what makes you unique in a positive way. When you consider your work and home team environment, we are all great at different things and that’s what makes our teams that much more special. Trusting others and their abilities comes down to delegation along with doubling down on our first point of assuming a positive intent. We often in life struggle trusting ourselves because of how others have treated us or maybe due to ways that others have failed to see our unique abilities. In addition, sometimes people can be jealous of your abilities and indirectly find ways to expose or downplay them so they can gain an upper advantage over you. We can’t control how others view us or their true intentions, we can only control how we use our abilities in a positive way and how we react to others who try to do this. You will go further in life by complimenting others for the good they do, highlighting what they do positively to others who may have influence in their lives, and simply being kind to them. We do have to trust our own abilities and having extra encouragement form others is often the key attribute that gets us across the finish line. If you want to see others embrace success, grow through their unique abilities, and trust how/what they do on a daily basis, celebrate their achievements and the way they trusted themselves during that process. It will be a win-win towards trusting yourself and in turn, others.
3. Find the good in what they do – We’ve all started somewhere and I truly believe that even when someone appears that they aren’t yet able to do something in life, it’s not because they are resisting, I believe that they are still finding their way. We all want to do the best job possible in life and I haven’t ever met anyone who set out to achieve a goal with the intention to make the task harder or more challenging for others around them. There are so many times in life where many of us simply don’t know what we don’t know. Case in point, when I started my first career right out of college, I didn’t know how to conduct myself professionally, delegate and/or complete tasks in a timely manner, or voice that I was lost in the work I was doing overall. Did I have a goal of making things harder for myself or others in the corporate food chain, no, but it could have been perceived that way. Once I trusted myself and continued to stay consistent towards wanting to do great work and show others what my true skills were, I became better than before, leading to a promotion, along with increased trust from my team members. It also helped that others didn’t give up on me and saw the good that I did in my work assignments, both small and large. This is your reminder to continue to find one daily thing that you can see the good in for those you work with and as a bonus, find ways to see the good in everyone involved in your personal life. You’ll find that the bounce back ability of these individuals along with their self confidence belief system will increase more than you had expected. See the positive in others and I promise you’ll find your way!
As we work our way to the finish line of today’s message, I want to encourage all of you to continue to believe in yourself, trust that you’re right where you need to be in life, and find daily ways to bring others along with you on your life journey. When we grow each day, week, month, and year, we gain that extra confidence to better understand others. It also starts each time we’re curious and assume a positive intent. Keep asking questions of others, state your intent (i.e. to better understand them), and then offer to continue supporting them on their journey. We can all impact someone in a positive way each day. Believe that you can and you’re halfway there!
Keep growing and know that I truly value, cherish, and appreciate all of you!
Ryan